Margaret, a woman in her fifties who had smoked for over 40 years, told me about a conversation she had with her father a few weeks after she had attended a how to quit smoking course. Her father took her hand and, with tears in his eyes, thanked her sincerely for quitting smoking, saying that he was immensely proud of what she had done.
Margaret told me that although she knew he was expressing his love for her, and that his acknowledgement was very much appreciated, she felt a surge of rebellion well up inside her as he spoke. She thanked him for his concern, and privately reminded herself that she was still free to go back to smoking. She continues to make free choices not to smoke, just for now, based on what she wants for herself.
Other people I know have had similar difficult reactions, suddenly feeling obliged to stay stopped as a result of gifts – a piece of jewelry or a bunch of flowers – given as a reward for stopping.
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